Staying Out of my Head

September 12, 2019

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. Or, does it?

I had recently applied for a creative marketing job position opened at one of the bigger companies in my area. Months prior to that, I did, however, tell myself I’m not going to look for regular 9-5 jobs anymore, but the job description was calling my name and could not get myself to pass up the opportunity.

I had mixed emotions about it at first. I knew for certain when the deadline for application was, but I was furious when a day prior to the ending because the listing wasn’t there anymore. Good thing I had the tab open on a different computer because the thought of not applying would not let me sleep at night. I even woke up before the first sun rays hit the window to send the application in.

I was not surprised when they called me in for an interview soon after. But, that started off a snowball of emotion in my head. The interview went fairly well as much as I still recall (the bulk of what I thought and scripted in my mind afterward when dissecting every move and the words I had said).

They did, however, tell me that they’ll get back to me at the beginning of next week. Once I haven’t heard back by the time Thursday rolled around, I started to doubt that I ever said anything right and went on to think they will never get back to me anyway. Except for an email after a couple of months that will dully state I hadn’t been chosen for a position and possibly that they thank me for taking time to come to meet them.

Another week rolled around and my phone still didn’t ring with their number on it. But, I was waiting and couldn’t move past the fact that the ball was now in their court. So, I finally got the call on Friday afternoon of the third week of me waiting, saying that they would like me to come in for round 2 of the interviews and gave me some instructions on how to prepare. That is what I thoroughly did. It took away another few days of my thoughts and a week of anticipation what the interview holds. Again, it went great and they were enthusiastic about what they heard from me. They said they will call at the beginning of the upcoming week.

It’s the upcoming week now and I’m anxiously waiting. I am trying to meditate, exercise, read books, anything to differ my thoughts from thinking about the job. But in the back of my mind, I’m waiting.

While waiting for their final response, I’m still not sure whether I want a full-time job when freelancing is something I enjoy and make a comfortable living with for now. Though, the thought of rejection is not a pleasant one either. I understand that there might be someone who just overall fills the position better, and there is nothing wrong with me, my skills, experiences or personal traits. It is just that coming second best has never hit home with me. Hearing how professional I am sounding the same as any boring banter I’ve ever heard. I don’t like hearing excuses, and uncomfortable situations are not my “glass of wine.” Now, I really need one of those.

How are you able to cope with similar experiences? What do you do throughout the process to stay out of your head?

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